WWE SummerSlam, Los Angeles, CA
A request! It’s a TLC match for The World Heavyweight Championship, held by Jeff Hardy, who had won the belt at Extreme Rules in June, beating Edge. Then CM Punk did his Money in the Bank cash-in immediately. And THEN at Night of Champions in July, Hardy beat Punk to win the belt a second time.
So now we’re here. CM Punk is straight edge man, a rules rocker, and Jeff Hardy is ……. not.
(Requests open and tips always appreciated!)
Todd Grisham has the lead on commentary, and Jim Ross is here to help him through his emotionless struggle. “This is a very austere match,” Jim says.
Ol’ Punk, announced at 222 lbs, sure was a thicker-bodied fella 14 years ago, no question. Jeff is announced at 225.
Little wrestling to start, not much, and then out to the floor so Punk can whack Jeff with a chair a couple times, which is what we came to see. Punk gets a ladder in quickly, makes a fast climb, and Hardy gets in to cut that off just in time. Jeff with two running forearms and some rights and boots in the corner. Hardiac Arrest, is apparently what that move is called. I did not know that.
Ross is clearly taking the lead on the commentary here. Grisham was the least offensive of the not very good commentary tries over the last 20 years, I think. He wasn’t terrible or anything, but he just had no standout quality and couldn’t Go to That Place, if you will.
Jeff climbs, Punk kicks the ladder out from under him, but Punk winds up shoved into the ladder and both are down. The people want tables! But it’s not the predetermined time for tables, it is time to use a chair as a springboard and get caught, then for Jeff to get slammed down onto the back of the chair.
Punk taking over here. Tope suicida from Punk! Whacks his own elbow. Todd a bit surprised by Punk being “more extreme than ‘The Extreme Enigma,'” which makes sense in WWE lore, but while he wasn’t a death match guy or anything, Punk did cut his teeth in large part with IWA Mid-South, with a notable, 45-minute tables and ladders match against Chris Hero in 2002, so he’s got experience in this environment. This doesn’t really matter to the WWE story, of course, but it’s something you can point to if you know it and be, like, “Ahh, hmm, yes,” and add another layer for yourself. I’m not advocating making shit up for what you expect and getting mad when it doesn’t happen like a Game of Thrones fan or something, but with this you get to feel like a research expert and shit.
Punk dragging a table ringside, taking his time. Grabs a chair, wraps it around Jeff’s neck, as he’d done recently, but Jeff is able to shove him away, but nothing more. Punk instead gets a running start, missing with a chair shot and hitting the ring post. Jeff lands with a big chair swing, which hits the elbow again.
Springboard off the chair connects this time, and on the floor, with Hardy crashing right into Punk’s ribs and sandwiching him against the barricade. Hardy now dragging a table, a different one, into position. Throws a chair at Punk for fun before laying him out on the table and heading up top, where Jeff flies and misses a Superfly splash!
Punk gets another ladder, slowly gets it into the ring. The wear and tear of this Extreme Encounter are showing. He gets it set up, climbs slow, and Jeff has time to get in and grab him by the foot. Hardy just SUDDENLY climbs right over Punk and grabs at the belt, but can’t fully get it. Punk grabs Hardy in a fireman’s carry, but Hardy sunset over and power bombs Punk from the ladder!
Hardy climbs, but gets shoved off and hits the ropes. Punk over in the corner and looking for a superplex. My GOD a superplex onto a ladder! The superplex is generally not appreciated enough for still being truly spectacular, but hitting the ladder like that, too, good lord. And Punk takes a bit of the ladder, too, because there’s just no avoiding it, really.
Punk goes for a regularplex on the ladder, but Jeff blocks and hits the Twist of Fate. Swanton Bomb but Punk gets the knees up! And yet he still took a swanton bomb to the knees, so, like???
Running knee from Punk in the corner! He tries the bulldog, but Hardy just picks him up and hurls him over the top through a table!
Hardy wants to climb, Punk cuts that off with a springboard double axhandle, because why not springboard? Out to the floor and he’s got the chair again, and will this time succeed in wrapping it around Hardy’s neck, but Jeff again blocks before he hits the post. Punk charges, misses, knees the steps. CHAIR SHOTS FROM HARDY!
Hardy takes the front cover off a commentary desk and hits Punk with that, then clears off the whatever table that is Matt Striker is sitting at, I don’t remember what team was on what show or what wrestlers were on what show in 2009. Hardy is just kicking the shit out of Punk now.
HERE COMES THE GIANT LADDER! Punk’s laid out on that desk, and Jeff’s gonna climb. The SHIRT COMES OFF! Up he goes! All the way to the very top. Crowd roars, and he basically falls off with the swanton through the desk and CM Punk!
Commentary drops out as they bring medics out and put Jeff on a backboard with a neck brace on. Or they’re trying to get the neck brace on, but Jeff sees Punk crawling in the ring and refuses to quit there. The crowd shrieks as Jeff staggers around, trying to get his footing and get into the ring.
It’s a slow attempt to climb for Punk, and Hardy is back, which CM can’t believe. Punk is climbing on one foot, basically, hopping up each rung. Hardy comes to life and gets up the other side, and they’re both up there, but Punk kicks him in the ribs, knocks him off the ladder, and gets the belt. He’s world champ again.
As Punk celebrates standing over the downed and beaten Hardy, the lights flicker just a bit, in a way you may not totally notice. Punk does, but then forgets about it. And then the gong hits, the lights go out, and when they come back on, it’s Undertaker in that spot, not Jeff Hardy. He sits up, goozle, chokeslam.
CM Punk and Jeff Hardy were born rivals, really, just very different people, but also with the similarities in their drive to be great, sort of like Punk and Cena or Punk and Joe or Punk and Hero or … boy, that’s a lot of CM Punk’s best rivalries.
This is a clean finish and clean result and all that, Punk surviving in part because Hardy is who he is, and he had to take The Big Risk even if it wasn’t necessary, and ultimately, arguably, did more damage to him than to Punk. But he’s back there with the same shot to win not long after, too, and Punk just lands the difference-maker shot. He’s not so much better than Jeff on the night, but he’s a little better.
Tape Machines Are Rolling 