(Most of) AEW Dynamite (4-17-2024)

From Indianapolis! I have been there. I am not there right now.

I turned this on the TV tonight and decided I wanted to talk about it. I also tuned in about 24 minutes late so whatever happened in the first 24 minutes, I don’t know. Mercedes Mone ran off Julia Hart or something when I turned it on. Then Samoa Joe did a sit-down interview with Renee. It was good!

LET’S GO

(Requests open and tips always appreciated!)

PAC, Penta El Zero Miedo & Daniel Garcia vs Kazuchika Okada & Young Bucks

Remember when Penta ruled and wasn’t one of the world’s most useless wrestlers to watch and has no actual personality of his own? Can you fathom that this used to be the most compelling dude on the best years of the Lucha Underground program and now he just runs out there to be a silly boy and play the hits, but the hits are all, like, if you went to see Jimmy Buffett (RIP) and he only did songs from Floridays and after? PAC is good here and the match does a fine job making me want to see Okada vs PAC. I don’t feel like rating it because it’s a match designed for someone other than me. Okada pinned Garcia, which to me is ridiculous, just have crap ass Penta eat the pin, there’s no possible way he’s ever going to do anything interesting again apparently.

“Lionheart” Chris Jericho is here. You cannot convince me this is “Lionheart” Chris Jericho because he doesn’t dress or carry himself like his greatest ambition in life is to be in a Christian metal band. HOOK is also here. He eats chip. Taz is, like, mediating or something. Jericho’s good here, though, this is good shithead heel stuff. Eventually he shoves Taz, who has shit knees these days, and then HOOK is mad and gets all stern with Jericho, who leaves. Jericho’s main point that HOOK isn’t as good as he thinks he is is true but that’s a story for another day. (It’s probably not actually true, he doesn’t seem like a goofy egomaniac or anything. I suppose he could be.)

Swerve Strickland tells Renee about his “warrior ethos,” which rockets up the Hot 100 of dorkiest shit wrestlers have ever said in promos. His eye makeup is on point as he says he’ll go tell Joe his feelings in the ring, TONIGHT.

Deonna Purrazzo vs Mariah May

Finally pro wrestling is back. Well a good chunk of this winds up as “picture-in-picture” and brother, I’ll be real with you, my ass is too old and not invested enough to be counted on to pay attention to the window that doesn’t have audio, so it’s better off if I just treat it as a normal commercial break, like from the glory days of life. (The glory days are when I didn’t have bills to pay, medical issues, and every other dumb problem adults have.)

The black-and-white Toni Storm gimmick is overdone and has gotten pretty wack, but I know wrestling fans are the way they are and all that, and the same joke is usually funny to them 3700 times. The wrestling here is pretty good because Purrazzo and May are pretty good. Deonna wins, then Toni and Mariah beat up on her until Thunder Rosa runs down, and does the highlight of this entire thing by bulldozing Luther and then wildly, recklessly dropkicking Toni while wearing a jean jacket and bellbottom denim. Rosa then knocks Storm goofy with a forearm and draws on her face. Rosa stole the segment.

Backstage, Jay White and Billy Gunn’s rowdy sons kill time, both on the show in their careers.

Shane Taylor vs Orange Cassidy

I really like Shane Taylor. He’s one of those type guys you gotta find to be a TRUFAN of the pro wrestling. Someone you have no hope will ever be some main eventer, but someone you will go to bat for being as actually good or better than most of the people who do reach that level. It’s best to have those type folks be your favorite wrestler, especially now, especially if you want to talk about wrestling online. You’re going to get far less first grade mentality attention for saying, like, “Shane Taylor is fucking great” vs “I just had a thought about Jey Uso.”

This match rocks some ass. Orange rules, Taylor rules, a killer TV match. Orange wins with an Orange Punch. Lee Moriarty and Anthony Ogogo jump on Orange until eventually Chris Daniels and Matt Sydal run in, only to get cut off by a behooded Trent Beretta smacking them with a chair. STP continue to beat up Orange, and Trent just looks on and walks off. “A man we thought we knew showing his true colors.” Sure, why not? 3.5/5

Claudio Castagnoli vs Will Ospreay

Turns out that level-wise Claudio in AEW is exactly what Claudio in WWE was, because the harsh truth and hard reality is this is his role in a big-time wrestling organization, to be a guy who makes everyone else better. It’s a noble spot! It rules! He is a 20 years running “guy I think rules but have no hope will ever be the big dog champeen of the world” dude. Is what it is.

Interested to see what he does with Ospreay. I mean ultimately it’ll be the same shit both of them always do, because wrestling is not formulaically interesting or adventurous for the most part, so really I guess what I’m saying is I want to see how well their stuff meshes and what it looks like when they wrestle each other for the first time.

Not wild about Ospreay, which you might have guessed by how little I talk about Ospreay on this blog. I do, however, respect how good he is at what he does. “What he does” is just not, like, the reason I watch wrestling. But I am not more important than the vast majority of AEW’s fan base or the vast majority of today’s wrestling audience in general. You can send him anywhere in the world and what he does will get over because he is a rare breed of spectacular. Whether or not I think it’s a little surface-level is my problem and not his or anyone else’s.

It’s a terrific match that continues to showcase Ospreay to whatever portion of the audience isn’t that familiar with him, strengthens his standing as a fast-rising AEW top star. It delivers everything they want, basically, and Claudio is also great and lost, which is the usual Claudio thing. 4/5

Callis’ boys hit the ring post-match to finish off Claudio, but Jon Moxley won’t be standing for that, although he’s coming in at a 3-on-1 disadvantage. Doesn’t matter, basically Moxley manages to fight them off enough to kill off the immediate disadvantage and get the high ground for himself and Claudio.

Now it is time for your main event overrun, which is Swerve Strickland coming out to talk. He’s gonna give Joe the business at Dynasty! Here is Joe, with a bunch of security trying to keep them apart. Doesn’t work as Swerve wipes them all out with a dive and then gets face-to-face with Swerve and THE FIGHT IS ON. Joe gets the early advantage but is distracted by Nana, and Swerve drills him with a big ass kick to the head, but that ain’t all! Joe goes for a Muscle Buster. Joe hits the Muscle Buster. A world title match with some fucking juice. We’re back.

What I watched of the show was good! If the first 20ish minutes weren’t atrocious then I’d have to say this was a real winner of a program. I will not be finding out what its “TV rating” was.