Million Dollar Team vs Dream Team (WWF, 11-22-1990)

WWF Survivor Series, Hartford, CT

A request! It is Dusty’s birthday, as discussed before, and so this is fitting.

It’s also fitting, kinda, because last night on the NXT program, a 614-year-old Undertaker got to come in and punch Bron Breakker in the face one time which sent Bron Breakker into the great beyond, followed by a chokeslam and Undertaker making clear that this little loser wiener isn’t a big American Bad Ass like him. If they follow this up by having Breakker spear Undertaker in a WrestleMania match until Undertaker shits his pants and gets on the mic and says “ive shitted my pants ill go home now” then I think that’s probably pretty good

(Requests open and tips always appreciated!)

Backstage, the Million Dollar Team speak with Sean Mooney. Ted DiBiase is the captain, and he’s got his bodyguard Virgil, plus Honky Tonk Man and black hair Greg Valentine, plus their manager Jimmy Hart. They have a mystery partner, who is not revealed just yet. Jimmy and Ted talk, the rest do not.

Dream Team are out first, captained by Dusty Rhodes, who is back to his regular Dusty Rhodes gear, no goddamn polka dots, as toward the end of his WWF stint he was getting back to just being Dusty in his feud with DiBiase, which got more personal and “real” for Big Dust, and took him back to his pre-polka dot roots.

During the Dream Team entrance, Roddy Piper notes that the day before, Bret’s brother Dean had died at the age of 34, and Bret is dedicating this match to him. In his book, Bret mentions something that just drilled me in the gut the first time I read it:

“On our way to the lunchroom Bruce and I had run into Vince and Pat coming out of an elevator. They were in a great mood, and Pat gave me a crisp slap on the back. ‘Cheer up, you look like someone died, for Chrissakes.’ I managed to calmly say, ‘Yeah, Pat, our brother Dean passed away.’ Neither he nor Vince seemed to take the news on board and walked cheerily away, annoying yuk-yuk laughs reverberating down the hall in their wake.

“Bruce had expected a warm welcome from Vince. Now doubt and rejection added to the sadness on his face. ‘Don’t worry, Bruce,’ I tried to reassure him, ‘they’re just busy, and it must be that they don’t know.’

“In contrast, neither of us will ever forget the kindness of Kerry Von Erich, who smiled and said, ‘Don’t worry, he’s up there right now with my three brothers. They’ll look after him.'”

Bret Hart, “Hitman: My Real Life in the Cartoon World of Wrestling”

The Dream Team came out together to Dusty’s music, but the heels have Rhythm and Blues out first, followed by DiBiase. Once in the ring, DiBiase takes the mic and does his “everybody’s got a price” deal, which makes you think it’s gonna be someone you know but wouldn’t expect as the mystery partner, but it’s Undertaker with Brother Love.

Piper immediately sets about making Undertaker seem like some idiot bullshit, which in reality it is. They’re not going to waste time, though, Undertaker is going to start for his team, and he’ll be against Bret. They’d wind up having a few meetings over the years.

Taker with a kick to the gut, forearm over the back, and he just grabs Bret by the throat and drives him down to the mat. Bret tags Neidhart, who can’t budge Taker on a shoulderblock and then gets slammed. Koko tags in, misses a charge and gets clotheslined over the top rope. TOMBSTONE! Koko’s eliminated.

Bret comes back in. Hart landing big right hands, but he just can’t seem to actually make a dent on Taker, and Gorilla notes even his expression doesn’t change. Taker turns and tags Valentine, and Bret tags Dusty. These old Mid-Atlantic boys stare each other down before getting over to the corner and trading chops.

Dusty wins the exchange, Neidhart tags in, and Neidhart hammers the Hammer a bit, then a quick tag to Hart. Bret rushes into a knee in the corner, Valentine drags him over to their corner and tags Honky Tonk.

Look at this match. A pure Mid-Atlantic guy like Valentine, Rhodes who had worked all over and specialized in Florida and the Mid-Atlantic, DiBiase who had the Mid-South style at his core, Stampede lads Bret and Neidhart, and Memphis guys Koko and Honky Tonk, plus a big ginger basketball player who got clowned by Buzz Sawyer trying to learn to be a wrestler.

Honky getting the better of Bret, who makes a blind tag to Neidhart, who comes in and powerslams him. Honky’s out.

DiBiase in and taking it to Neidhart. Anvil drops him with a clothesline as Gorilla wants to see Jim tag Dusty, and then he does. Rhodes mounts DiBiase in the corner and doesn’t lay in 10 punches, but 10 short elbows. Hey at least it’s only single illegal instead of double doing that. Dropkick from Dusty!

Tag to Neidhart, they hit DiBiase with a double back elbow. Neidhart covers for two again. DiBiase down on a shoulderblock, but Virgil grabs Anvil’s foot, and when Neidhart turns around it’s right into a DiBiase lariat for three. Jim doesn’t sell beyond the pinfall.

Bret in with rights and bringing the heat to Ted, then runs DiBiase into Dusty’s elbow and makes the tag. Rhodes takes a shot to the gut, an eye rake, and an elbow to the skull. Lariat and Dusty gradually takes the bump.

Undertaker tagged in, running stomp to the upper back. Piper just cannot take Undertaker seriously. Bret in, Undertaker takes him to the corner and they make some quick tags, we end up with DiBiase again and Hart hits him with an inverted atomic drop and tags Dusty.

But DiBiase gets knocked back to his corner and Taker tags in again. Kneelift from Undertaker, and he goes up top. Falling double axhandle, he pins Rhodes and that’s it for Dusty, who like Neidhart has to just get up so the match can continue, but does at least have Undertaker throw him out of the ring so he’s not just walking away.

So it’s Bret against DiBiase, Valentine, and Undertaker, who seems to be impervious to pain. Brother Love takes a couple shots at Dusty, so Rhodes goes after him and Undertaker batters Dusty down the aisle and is … counted out. He was absolutely not the legal man — when he hopped off the apron, Bret was piledriving Valentine in the background — but whatever. It’s the WWF, it’s not that serious.

“He’s big but he’s dumb!” Piper says.

Back in the ring, Valentine nails Hart with a forearm and Piper starts screeching right before Bret gets an inside cradle and Valentine is eliminated.

We’re down to DiBiase vs Bret, which had already been done in singles during one of Vince’s several flirtations with turning Bret loose as a singles guy. They had excellent chemistry and we’re stylistically strong together. DiBiase takes a big atomic drop and flips over to the floor, where Bret flies out with a slingshot plancha and fires right hands in the mount.

In the ring, Hart drives a boot down into DiBiase’s breadbasket and lays in some lifters in the corner. But a whip is reversed and Bret takes the corner hard, like he does. Ted’s cover gets two.

DiBiase with chops in the corner. A whip to the other side, and Ted ducks down for a backdrop, like he’d whipped Hart off the ropes and not into the corner. It’s an idiot moment, so Bret backslides him for two.

Hart trips over DiBiase on a drop down and starts clutching his knee, but it’s A FREAKIN PLOY and he rolls DiBiase up for two. The crowd is really with Bret here. Virgil grabs Hart on the apron, but DiBiase’s charge misses and down goes Virgil. Roll-up again gets two!

Backbreaker hits. Bret goes up to the middle rope.

“I could feel Dean’s presence next to me, smiling. I pushed off Ted and headed over to the corner, perching myself on the middle rope. Suddenly, in my mind, I was alone. No Ted, no crowd. I’m a kid back at the Pavilion, outside on the grass, standing over Dean. … Then I snapped back to the Hartford Civic Center and the sold-out Survivor Series and I was about to launch myself off the ropes at Ted, thinking, ‘This is for you, Dean. I know it isn’t much, but it’s all I got.’ … I dove across Ted, but as we fell to the mat he rolled through, cradling me, his fingers tightly locked. There was no escape. I kicked out just a hair too late. My eyes were cold, wet, and hurt. I hoped Dean enjoyed it. For me, the emotion was always real, especially the heartbreak. The camera captured my sorrow for all the Harts watching on TV back home, where my intentions were understood. When I returned to the dressing room, Ted embraced me, sweat and tears indistinguishable.”

Bret Hart, “Hitman: My Real Life in the Cartoon World of Wrestling”

It’s a standard Survivor Series match but with two big, notable things:

1. Undertaker’s debut, as it were, quite obviously. If you were around then, like, his success and longevity really is stunning, and I’m not being funny or whatever, but that so easily could have been fucking nothing, like Papa Shango or Berzerker or Nailz or a million other things, a short-term cartoon heel that has a minute and then fucks off after his first big feud past squashing scrubs and maybe beating Koko B. Ware on Superstars.
2. The DiBiase vs Bret climax is terrific, just a short burst of really good wrestling at the end of it all, and knowing more of the backstory than just Piper making note on commentary really makes it something even more special.

I’m an absolute sucker for the original years Survivor Series shows, and this was the last one that was a straight, full elimination matches card, though 1991 had only one singles match, the first in Survivor Series history, which saw Undertaker beat Hulk Hogan for the WWF title amidst layers of controversy.

You can also really tell Vince’s interest in the gimmick show format is waning. The matches at ’90 are more condensed, and they introduced the “Grand Finale,” which was a one-off where all the surviving members of good guy teams that won would face the surviving members of bad guy teams that won, a match impossible to do if, say, all the good guy teams win.

But while this doesn’t get the time (about 14 minutes) that previous Survivor Series matches got to give everyone more shine, it’s an enjoyable time passer, as these shows always are whenever I fire one up again.

3/5