Kris Statlander vs Jade Cargill (AEW, 9-15-2023)

AEW Rampage, Cincinnati, OH

Statlander, of course, won the TBS title from Cargill and ended Jade’s undefeated streak in an impromptu match at Double or Nothing in May, right after Jade had beaten Taya Valkyrie to retain the belt and run her undefeated streak to whatever-and-0, it doesn’t really matter.

But here is the first — and, it seems, the last — real singles match between these two.

(Requests open and tips always appreciated!)

Big collar-and-elbow to start, strong on both sides, nobody getting the better of it. Second C&E, Jade backs Statlander to the ropes, Kris turns it around, Jade throws a knee to the gut and flexes and shouts.

Backstage, Dr. Britt watches, as she faces the winner on Collision the next night at her alma mater, Penn State.

Statlander with a shoulderblock, Jade with her own, Statlander throws a clothesline, Jade throws one. Nobody going down. Double clothesline! Another! YEAH! ANOTHER! YEAH! A COUPLE MORE!

This is like that Joe Doering vs Zeus match.

Statlander caught trying a, uh, I don’t know, standing crossbody, it’s just there to make Jade look strong. Statlander gets free, Jade tries the same thing, also caught. You’ll notice a difference in technique, placement, body language on those catches. But the thing is most people don’t care, as long as you don’t fuck it up then nobody gives a shit what things look like, they aren’t thinking about it in that way.

Statlander drops Jade down with a scoop slam. Stat shouting and flexing. Jade up, side-steps a running knee, but Kris dodgers a Jade charge and sends Cargill to the floor. Cargill catches Jade coming off the apron and brings her into a fireman’s carry, then slams her down onto the apron and shouts at the camera.

Stat’s head bounced off the apron as Cargill pulls her back out. Uppercut from Cargill. Stat staggers away, but rips a chop at Jade, only to get dropped with a back elbow. Kris sent into the barricade and Cargill is in complete control now.

Back into the ring. Jade drops a short knee. Another. Whip to the corner, and instead of following in, Cargill just drops down to do push-ups and taunt the crowd, which she tried to play to upon entrance by having “Smart” Mark Sterling carry an old Brandon Phillips Reds jersey. Actually, that’s probably not true, or wasn’t even the point; Jade exists in the Cargillverse, she is not a “face” or a “heel,” despite the clear heel manager, and the things she does are just done to be done.

Cargill keeps control. Her European uppercuts are not very good, but Statlander does her best to sell them. Cargill with Basketball Taunting and then an absolutely sick jumping elbow into the corner, cool camera corner shot on it and it looks cool and lands heavy.

Jade going for a suplay, Stat blocking, back-and-forth with suplay blocking, Stat gets Jade up, but can’t get her over. Jade gets Kris up, and she delays it there, then drops it down.

Let’s look at the side of Dr. Britt watching TV again. Meanwhile, in the ring Statlander hits a fisherman driver and both are down. Thank God we got that Dr. Britt on Collision graphic up again.

“Justified ‘this is awesome’ chants!” Sure, why not? AEW people always stress that those chants are justified.

At five in Aubrey’s count, they BOTH KIP-UP! Wow!

Jericho: “They couldn’t be further physically different, but power-wise they’re the same!”

…I — hmm. You know what, never mind. Forget it.

Trading big forearms! It’s Statlander driving Jade back to the corner with a run of shots! Whip to the other side and Statlander hits an uppercut there, then a big running knee! Friday Night Fever is blocked, but Stat ducks a clothesline, Blue Thunder Bomb gets two!

“Strong legs by Jade Cargill,” Tony says, and I can only say, “Yes!”

Sterling on the apron now. Some miscommunication but the end result is Sterling getting nailed by Stat, Jade catching Kris with the big pump kick and going for Jaded, but Statlander counters and gets two on a roll-up.

Back up, Cargill with a big chokeslam for two!

Let’s take a look Dr. Britt emotionlessly watching TV again for a moment.

Jaded attempt again, but Stat drives her back to the corner, and again, she keeps blocking while Jade keeps trying to keep the arms hooked. Statlander dodges and Jade nails her head on the middle turnbuckle, discus lariat from Statlander! Axe kick! Inverted Friday Night Fever! Three count! Statlander retains!

Post-match, the two shake hands and embrace, the embrace led by Jade. She raises Statlander’s hand, and Kris shows further respect for Cargill.

If that was really Jade’s final AEW match, I’ve certainly seen some Great Wrestlers leave territories with a lot less professional class than that, without truly putting over their opponent nearly as much.

Brother, I loved this. I thought this was a hell of a match. Easily Jade’s best match and Statlander looked outstanding in this one, her best match since coming back. This was all power and alpha attitude, big strong MFs thumping it up under the bright lights and whuppin’ ass. Nothing fancy, didn’t need anything fancy. If they put this belt on Dr. Britt tomorrow they’re nuts.

4/5