WWE Royal Rumble Kickoff, Philadelphia, PA
A match that allegedly, Vince McMahon said was the worst he’d ever seen in his life. On his short-lived podcast, Dax Harwood recalled McMahon’s reaction:
“We come to the back and Vince is waiting for us, all four of us. We thought the match was good. It was like an eight-minute match. We came to the back and he said, ‘Welp, that was absolutely the worst wrestling match I’ve ever seen in my entire life.”
I don’t remember a goddamn thing about this match and it’s entirely possible I just didn’t watch it as I got into the habit of skipping the “Kickoffs.” So let’s see just how horrible it is!
(Requests open and tips always appreciated!)
These teams had met the prior Monday on the 25th anniversary Raw show in the terrible Manhattan Center portion, where the Revival were beaten up by a bunch of old farts and also the “Balor Club.”
Dax (I’m not gonna be able to call him “Scott Dawson,” sorry) starts with Karl Anderson. They grapple a smidge, trade some shots out of the corner, Anderson hits a heel kick with Dax coming off the ropes, then pushes to the Good Brother corner and tags Gallows for a big double backdrop.
Harwood goes out of the ring, Wheeler comes over to help him back to their side. Wheeler makes a tag with Dax on the floor, and obviously the referee isn’t going to allow that, but it distracts the ref and allows Dax to rake Gallows’ eyes.
Wheeler with a real tag now, but Gallows trying to fight out of the corner. He gets out and overpowers Wheeler, then lays in his terrific, ridiculous punch combo. Scoop slams for everyone! If everyone is the Revival. Dawson pulls Wilder — I did it! We’re back! SAY YEAH! — out of the ring as they go to a “commercial break” to tell me about the Mixed Match Challenge and Rocket League.
Back and the Revival are in some amount of control, a blind tag gets made when Anderson’s fighting back, and Dawson dragon whips Anderson’s leg over the middle rope, then drives a bunch of elbows down into it. KneeDT! Dropkick to the back of the head.
Anderson, reeling, moves his way to the wrong corner, with Dawson ready to cut him off the other way, anyway. Tag to Wilder, who keeps the simple control with the classic tag team tactics, staying on the leg, isolating one man, cutting off the ring. Tag to Dawson, same thing, and even with Anderson fighting back and fighting them off, he can’t move enough to get to a hot tag to the big LG.
Staying on the knee and ankle, but you can note Karl has maneuvered just a bit toward his own corner over all of this. Wilder tags in and moves Anderson back to their corner for a quick tag back to Dawson. More isolation when Wilder comes back in. And then Dawson back, and Anderson shoves him out of the ring.
Booker’s loving this, putting over the tag team action. Finally, Gallows gets the tag and he’s a house afire to a silent crowd. Big kicks! Magic Killer attempted, but Dawson breaks it up. Anderson with a spinebuster on Wilder. He’s legal again because babyface tag teams tend to be stupid.
Gallows runs into the post outside, Anderson cuts Dawson off going to the top, and Wilder flies in with a vicious chop block and uses leverage to pin Anderson.
Listen, I get why Vince McMahon hated this and got all mad. This is a good match, though. Everyone does their job, it’s classic in its structure and nature. At one point in his life Vince McMahon would have either liked this or basically turned more of a blind eye to what he didn’t like, because it would have happened in a time where his tag teams (which he’s never much cared for) were still working the way they were taught elsewhere.
But in modern WWE, if you don’t do it the exact WWE way, you are doing it wrong. And to be fair, the crowd was never really into this (Revival hadn’t gotten out of the blocks much at all on the main roster and the Good Brothers weren’t particularly over, either), so a pretty quiet crowd is actually a decent reason to annoy Vince, but worst match he’s ever seen? The old man is still very dramatic, give him that.
3/5
The match is on YouTube with the rest of the ’18 Rumble Kickoff:
Tape Machines Are Rolling 