WWF on MSG Network, New York, NY
Also from Coliseum’s “Battle of the WWF Superstars.” This is Dusty battling the guy who was at least a little bit meant to be a rib on Dusty before Dusty got there, most people reckon, though the One Man Gang himself has said he didn’t see it that way, and obviously Dusty got hired by Vince not long after the Akeem gimmick hit.
These two had also feuded in Florida in 1983-84, with Dusty of course getting the duke in various gimmick matches around the horn — chain matches, Russian chain matches, bunkhouse, steel cage, Texas death, lights out barbed wire, lights out Texas death. This was the last match they ever had together.
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Akeem has Slick in his corner, Dusty has Sapphire. Gorilla notes that literally everyone out here “likes to dance.” Some Slick and Sapphire interaction before the bell, ending with Sapphire dumping Slick over the top.
Commentary is Monsoon, Heenan, and Hillbilly Jim. Bobby was always a little heavier on the Sapphire criticism than you might like. The parts about her being called “a manager” insulting him are good. Hillbilly was always totally unnecessary as a third man on calls, but then third people on calls often are totally unnecessary, and there’s an early moment where Heenan and Hillbilly are talking about something else, and Heenan goes, “You’ll learn, Hillbilly, that people get in the way,” and there’s just enough slyness in the delivery that it made me think.
This is pure bullshitting. These guys know this ain’t Florida in ’83, they know it’s not the One Man Gang, it’s “Akeem the African Dream” against Polka Dot Dusty. They stand off in a boxing stance and bullshit some more.
I want to be clear that MSG is not really into this, but I also want to say, also, that the old MSG structure had the main event, the ticket-seller, in the middle of the card usually. In this case, that was Hogan & Beefcake vs Perfect & Genius, and they went on two matches before this one. And between that, there were FIFTEEN CHRISTIAN MINUTES of Bad News Brown vs Jim Brunzell. I’m not hating on Bad News or Brunzell, but (1) 15 minutes is too much for what I know in my heart they did on a 1990 WWF show, and (2) they had to follow Hogan, too, and when you combine “well, Hogan’s done” with 15 minutes of BNB-Brunzell, you’ve got a recipe for a crowd deader than dead, brother. The only thing left on the bill after this match is Duggan and the Rockers vs Fuji and the Powers of Pain.
There’s also a 21-minute Rick Martel vs Red Rooster match on this show that I think I’d like to see. Gotta track down this full MSG show.
Heenan suspects Dusty has a loaded elbow pad. Akeem stays tied in the ropes and then Dusty goes across the ring for “extra leverage” on the top rope, which is just Dusty presenting his ass across the ring.
Rhodes takes a short half-bump from a couple elbows to the top of the head. He kicks at one after an elbowdrop. NERVEHOLD!!! Goddamn that’s the move. Sapphire trying real hard to rally the people. It is at best a moderate success. Finally Dusty lazily elbows out, hits the ropes, runs into a back elbow.
Lot of elbowing.
The fight goes outside, if you’d like to call it a fight. Then back in. More nerveholding. More bullshitting. Dusty measures the big elbowdrop and it misses. OH FUCK YEAH WE’VE GOT A BEARHUG! Dusty rallies, they fight outside, Dusty wins by countout.
Look, man, it sucks, but also it rules. But it would rule more if the crowd actually cared about basically any of it, too. That’s when fun shit is really fun. This is just a cute observation of two guys going, “I ain’t doing shit out here, man,” and who can blame them? They’re in a death spot on the card at the Garden and their match means nothing.
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