WWF WrestleMania IX, Paradise, NV
ON THIS DAY watch. The only WrestleMania to ever take place on April 4, until today’s part one of WrestleMania 36. This was the main event, Bret Hart defending the WWF championship against Yokozuna.
Before the match, Mean Gene is backstage at Caesars Palace in his whole Roman get-up, and he introduces ol’ Black-Eyed Hulk Hogan, who failed to win the tag belts with his “bionic brother Brutus” earlier. Hogan says Bret Hart is a Hulkamaniac, and he and all the Hulkamaniacs are on Bret’s side.
“Bret Hart, I’m issuing a challenge to either you or the Jap, brother!”
This was 1993 in Vince McMahon’s mainstream paradise, not some crusty smoke filled hillbilly convention center.
Bobby Heenan says just as Yokozuna came out for the match, the clouds came over Caesars. Randy Savage notes that Hart was already knocked out earlier by The Narcissist Lex Luger this morning at the WrestleMania Brunch. “Hulk Hogan had a bad day already, too,” Savage adds.
Hart tries to figure out how to attack Yoko, going his usual style. The hard right hands come in, he tries to get a waistlock and quickly finds out that’s not happening, as Yokozuna shrugs him off and bulldozes him with a running shoulderblock.
But from the outside, Bret trips an approaching Yokozuna through the ropes, then hits a slingshot splash and rains down right hands. This is just like when Bret beat the shit out of a bully who was picking on his little sister in grade seven or whatever it was. The bully, like Yokozuna, was far too big for him, but he kicked his ass anyway.
That kid probably didn’t drop an enormous leg on Bret, though, and Yoko does. “Yokozuna could join the annals of Sadaharu Oh,” Jim Ross suggests. Probably not.
Yoko hits a Martial Arts Kick, cutting Bret’s seconds of momentum down every time. Now he grabs what JR refers to as “The Oriental Nerve Hold”; it’s the same nerve hold a billion guys have done on the traps but, y’know.
Yoko misses a big charge in the corner and Bret rides him down with a bulldog from the second rope for two.Hart follows with the elbow from the second rope, which Ross thinks was a kneedrop. Hart with the second rope clothesline, which shakes Yoko, and then his half of the Hart Attack brings Yoko down, but he’s right back up.
A 10-punch in the corner turns out to be a poor idea, but Bret hangs on to the top turnbuckle trying to block Yokozuna slamming him; in the process, Bret rips off the top turnbuckle pad. But it’s Yokozuna whose head crashes into it, and Bret goes for the sharpshooter, which is not quite right, but he gets it on, sort of enough!
Eventually, Mr. Fuji takes an hour or so to produce some salt and throws it in Bret’s eyes. And Yokozuna just pins Bret for the win. Finally, the monster push results in an actual title win.
But then Hulk Hogan sticks his big fuckin nose into things, Yokozuna challenges him RIGHT NOW, Bret encourages Hogan to go get him, Fuji’s salt bit immediately backfires, Hogan drops the leg, and he’s the new WWF champion.
The Hart-Yoko match is OK, as their matches generally were. They were both good, but Bret — and I think I’ve made clear I love Bret Hart — wasn’t the most flexible worker in the world. He was very good at carrying guys like Diesel to matches far above their normal station, but Nash basically moved like a normal being, he was just tall and you weren’t gonna grapple with him and shit. That’s fine, because Bret could also brawl really, really well. Yokozuna’s sheer girth and size cuts down a lot of what Bret can normally do, and even the brawling is hard to buy. Height is one thing, weight to the degree Yokozuna had weight is another. Some guys worked better with it than others, and it just wasn’t Bret’s strong suit. But the match is OK enough. The Hogan stuff is an awful idea, which was clear when he just was not getting Hogan reactions in the lead-up to this show after his big return, but Vince Jr was desperate and going back to the man who made him.
Tape Machines Are Rolling 
You must be logged in to post a comment.