WWE SummerSlam, Boston, MA
The year before this at SummerSlam Hogan had a hilariously awful match with dickhead Shawn Michaels. Here he is again for his first match since that one, 5-0 at SummerSlam in his career. Legend Killer Orton wants to kill his biggest legend yet.
Jim Ross makes sure we know that Hogan has bad knees and hips coming in so that maybe our expectations won’t get the better of us. Hogan soaks up the ovation in the ring a good long time, while Randy Orton waits outside like a video game.
The first physical interaction sees Hogan shove Orton over out of a collar-and-elbow and showcase his big muscles with a flex. The ridiculous doll hair hanging off Hogan’s head.
Orton takes over with headlocks and stomps and shit, working very deliberately with the old man. Hogan blocking in the corner as Orton tries to smash his head into the top turnbuckle. Hogan with big right hands, then he manages to get up onto the second rope to rain down more rights and a big Hulkster bite, followed by a Roddy Piper eye poke.
Hogan hits his lariat, then rakes the eyes. Hogan goes, “How bad do you wanna take out Brooke Hogan?” which is remarkable, as he makes sure to say her full name so you remember it for her big career in entertainment.
Hogan with more punches. It’s about all he ever had, but it really stands out here. Orton slips out to the floor and drags Hogan down, punishing the bad (worse?) knee over the apron. Hogan has a torn meniscus in that knee, and the right one has been replaced already.
Orton stays on the leg, then delivers about half a Garvin Stomp. Chop block from Orton and he talks shit at the crowd, eating up more time. Orton goes up top and waits for Hogan to get up, then flies for a crossbody but misses, barely.
Orton ducks the big foot and hits a dropkick, and he’s decided it’s time to finish it, slithering around waiting on Hogan to get up for the RKO. He hits it, covers, but Hogan gets a foot on the bottom rope before the three count, which is completed, but the referee sees the foot and continues the match.
Orton is enraged about the referee’s decision, which gives the old man time to try and pull himself up. Orton hits him with a right hand, but Hogan no-sells and Randy knows he’s fucked.
Three rights, big foot, ear, ear, ear, ear, ear, ear, legdrop, it’s over.
Rating: 2/5. This was Hogan’s final match in WWE, going out with a clean win over a young star. Orton does what he can here, but Hogan is just physically shot, and not in even, like, a charming way like late period Tenryu or something. Tenryu would still light you the fuck up with what he could do, Hogan is just sort of feeble. And as much as I don’t get hung up on “realism” in idiot wrestling, because it’s make believe, it is hard to swallow a bum-legged, 53-year-old Hogan beating an in-prime top star, perhaps in particular because Jim Ross CONSTANTLY reminds you that Hogan is working with a pretty bad injury..
Tape Machines Are Rolling 
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