WWE Smackdown, Los Angeles, CA
This is a request via Ko-fi. I was not watching WWE in 2008 so I have no fucking idea about any of this other than osmosis. Edge is world heavyweight champion and leader of La Familia. Batista walks for miles inside this pit of danger. If Batista wins, he gets a title shot. Vickie Guerrero is picking Batista’s partners.
First up, it’s Nunzio. Second, it’s Funaki. And third, it’s Colin Delaney. Batista can’t believe this, except he can, but he CAN’T. Mick Foley trying to make the point that Nunzio and Funaki are both former cruiserweight champions, which is more than Ryder and Hawkins can say.
Batista stretches his cock out before the match. Ryder will start with him. Batista’s partners, bless them, are encouraging him and they’re here to win. Batista with a kick to Ryder’s gut, rams him into the corner, and drives a shoulder to the midsection. Batista with a running boot off the ropes. His partners cheer him on.
Batista with a back elbow to Ryder, who quickly tags out to Chavo. Chavo locks up, Batista easily pushes him to the corner. Right hand from Batista. Ram into the babyface corner. Scoop slam from Batista. Off the ropes, legdrop. Cover gets one.
Batista’s partners want in, but he’s not even considering it. Shoulderblock from Batista, then he takes Chavo down by the shoulder, holding a hammerlock. Batista with a delayed jackhammer for two. Nunzio wants the tag. Funaki wants it. Colin wants it. Fuck it, Batista tags Colin and rocket launches him into Chavo for two.
Delaney hammering away on Chavo as we go to break. Back from break and Hawkins is dominating Delaney. Tag to Ryder, he takes over with ease. During the break, Chavo’s bodyguard Bam Neely turned the tide by clotheslining Delaney on the floor.
Hawkins and Ryder with quick tags, dominating the action. Batista wants the tag. Chavo gets a tag. La Familia cutting off the ring, taking poor Delaney apart. Back suplex from Guerrero. Isolating Delaney. Edge is in for the first time to a chorus of boos, and goddamn if he doesn’t work that.
Edge arrogantly toying with young Colin. Edge just playing in there. Edge playing mindgames with Batista at the same time. Edge takes a shot at Batista, then he forces Delaney to tag Funaki. Funaki fights, but runs into a big boot from Edge, no doubt taken from his former world tag team championship partner Hulk Hogan.
Chavo in and the heels cheat in the corner while he distracts the referee. Chavo kicking Funaki’s ass. Funaki fights back, Guerrero dropkicks him down and tags Hawkins. We haven’t seen Nunzio in and isolated yet. Nunzio should get in and shoot on everyone, just fuck up their worlds. I hope that’s what happens.
Ryder in and beating up Funaki more. Tag back to Hawkins. More of the same. Hawkins holds a chinlock and somewhere an internet wrestling reviewer has a tantrum about rest holds. Edge tagged in after Funaki shows fight and gets knocked down for the fourth or fifth time. Commentary talking about Undertaker being banished from WWE FOREVER. This was 10 years ago, we’re nearing the Australian show where Taker is gonna wrestle HHH again.
Batista badly wants the tag, but there’s nothing he can do. Hawkins charges the corner and misses and Funaki is close to the tag. He’s got it! Batista in with right hands to Ryder, who is also now legal. Lariat, whip to the corner, clothesline there. Big powerslam.
Chavo knocked off the apron, Edge knocked off the apron. Spinebuster on Ryder! Edge breaks up the power bomb with the Edge-o-matic or whatever move that was he had a dumb bad name for. Batista’s team comes to the rescue! Batista spearing everyone. Spinebuster on Edge. Batista Bomb on Ryder, three count, and Batista will get his title shot!
Rating: 3/5. Good TV stuff, a fun weekly main event story. Too bad Nunzio didn’t get in. He’d have tapped Edge no doubt. Batista and Edge are the stars here and everyone else does their job in supporting roles. Well, not Nunzio really. He didn’t do anything.
Tape Machines Are Rolling 
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