LIVE from St. Louis, it’s AEW Dynasty! You only get so many chances to watch a first-ever wrestling event. One, really. If you’re alive and stuff.
Let’s go! SPOILER: Arguably the greatest match on American soil ever happened on this show, and Chris Jericho has done it again!!
(Requests open and tips always appreciated!)
ZERO HOUR!
Trent Beretta vs Matt Sydal
Trent is now mean, and he does not appreciate chants for his mom to come back and make him a silly boy again. Sydal’s still really good, obviously not going to truly do much at this stage of his career in terms of big matches and what have you, but he’s a great guy to have on a roster. I think I might still have a 2004/05 era Sydal shirt around here somewhere. That’s an old shirt. And this is a fellow with grey in his hair now. Not me. Too youthful, me. Good shirt, though. Taz has no best friends besides his wife. Beretta hits a filthy Gotch-style piledriver that probably should have been the finish but it is AEW and this is the house style, match one on the pre-show’s gotta be at least a mini-epic. Plus Sydal’s local. His brother Mike is there, too, and after Beretta wins, he gets beaten up along with Matt, and then Chuck Taylor makes the save. 3/5
Trent says Chuck has not returned his texts and calls. Chuck has until Wednesday to tell Trent where he stands. As Beretta leaves, Orange Cassidy’s music hits, and there he is, with all the fury and emotion you’ve come to expect. And now it’s Shibata’s music, so Trent takes the chance to run away. Notable that Chuck makes no obvious decision between Trent or Orange before he leaves.
Shane Taylor & Lee Moriarty vs Orange Cassidy & Katsuyori Shibata
Some people are peeved that Shibata is clearly not going to get any big push in AEW, but I think it’s just nice to have him around, putting in whatever effort he can and feels like on any given night. He is 44 and had his brain taken out, it’s a miracle that we have him working tag team matches with his good friend Orange Cassidy. Anthony Ogogo and Taz are both bad men. That’s why they’re such good friends. The match is as you’d imagine. Orange wrestles like Orange, Shibata like Shibata, Taylor like Taylor, Moriarty like Moriarty. Cassidy does a cute bit with Moriarty. Cassidy throws terrific punches, man. Ogogo tries to interfere and gets cut off by Shibata. The “action” resulting from that is, ah, what’s a diplomatic way to put it? “Shit.”
My opinion on the “ROH says they chose to keep Shane Taylor instead of Keith Lee” story has really evolved over time. Taylor beating some ass as usual in this match. Orange pins Moriarty, again, the exact finish you’d expect. 3.5/5
The Acclaimed & Daddy Ass vs Bullet Club Gold
Billy and the Acclaimed are defending the AEW trios belts, BCG defending the ROH trios belts, it’s for UNDISPUTED! Caster does a long Rap. It sucks but people seem to like this bit still. This is the one I only paid partial attention to while making sure I was fully set for the PPV but I think this is very true so I will put it in here:
I think Bullet Club Gold won.
PAY-PER-VIEW!
Kazuchika Okada vs PAC
They call him “Curtain Jerkin'” Kaz Okada. For Okada’s Continental title, which Taz says is “the wrestlers title,” which is also what the International title is, and the TNT title is now the one for grandpas. PAC hits an avalanche brainbuster for a delayed two count. That gets repaid big time later when Okada hits a hanging DDT from the barrier to the floor outside, and PAC takes that the way PAC takes things like that, which is to say like he doesn’t have a neck or at least doesn’t care about it.
Was looking forward to this one and it’s delivering. Okada working hard on PAC’s neck, PAC having to eventually take the big risk with a dive that’s not going to be easy on him with the landing, either. Very physical, Okada’s methodical pace for the most part with the big bursts of high-impact offense. And it builds to picking up later. MAN Jim Ross loves Okada. This is his sort of guy. Okada goes into the Rainmaker camera pose but flips THE BIRD, which I do not appreciate.
Yeah, this shit rocks ass. Okada doing heel work for the cheap seats, all the offense looks incredible, both guys selling like a motherfucker. Rainmaker wins it for Okada. Ruled. Excellent opener. 4/5
Adam Copeland, Mark Briscoe & Eddie Kingston vs House of Black
I do enjoy a Cohesive Unit taking on Three Dudes Who Can’t Stand Them. The Cohesive Unit are always the heels, and they always are going to win, because of Cohesive. Honestly, there’s not ENOUGH lore with House of Black. They always, like, pay lip service to lore but then they just go have a match like everyone else has. Mel needs to be a fuckin sorcerer or some shit.
It is the familiar teamwork and chemistry of HoB that gives them their eventual clear advantage, with Briscoe taking the beating and stuck in their corner. Then Brody does about the stupidest thing in the world short of just taking Mark over to his corner to make a tag, and Copeland is in. Well nobody said the big fella’s a genius. Breaks down weirdly once it’s Copeland vs King, but they salvage it with everyone getting laid out, ending with Copeland hitting a superplex on King. Another bit of brawling and we almost get Copeland and Black touching, but Mark Briscoe ruins that despite his genius IQ. Dopey triple spear spot winds up with Copeland and King down in the ring and everyone else on the floor. Copeland and Black DO touch in the end, with Black misting Copeland and then hitting his big kick for the finish. Good match, does what it’s meant to do, didn’t stand out really. 3/5
Julia Hart vs Willow Nightingale
For Hart’s TBS title. Kris Statlander and Skye Blue are banned from ringside, but Big Stoke is on commentary. Taz tries to be nice to him for a moment and it fails so he tells Stokely to kiss his ass. This Julia title run hasn’t gone like you’d have hoped for reasons that aren’t her fault, and it ends here with Willow hitting the Doctor Bomb to take the belt. Good for Willow. Not much to the match. Statlander comes in for the hug, and Stoke gets his bald head rubbed. 2/5
BUT NOW! It is Mercedes Mone and her laughably terrible song. They will meet at Double or Nothing on May 26.
Roderick Strong vs Kyle O’Reilly
For Strong’s International title. FIRED UP. Two of my favorite wrestlers of this century and considering I turned 18 at the top of it, basically two of my favorite wrestlers ever for all it matters. This is the style of matchup you want from these two, Strong as the heel. They’re both excellent at being merciless bad guys, but Kyle’s way better at generating a sympathetic response with his selling.
These two are SO good. Wardlow eventually is involved. Strong wins with End of Heartache, no interference or whatever. Strong just worked on that back enough and broke O’Reilly down to retain his belt. Didn’t kick into “special” and wasn’t designed that way. 3.5/5
Wardlow in the ring now, then at the top of the ramp, Adam Cole is wheeled out by Taven and Bennett. And then Cole stands up. And walks on down to the ring. Cole puts some stink eye on Wardlow from behind as he enters the ring, and you can see that Wardlow is odd man out here in the celebration. Kind of a shame that the big reveal on Cole’s foot or whatever comes when the crowd has cooled off in the “filling time” portion of a PPV.
HOOK vs Chris Jericho
FTW Rules for the FTW title, which isn’t real even in the way that most wrestling titles are real, but it’s real enough to these competitors. Jericho’s in his Lionheart gear with his Lionheart entrance but he is now “The Learning Tree” Chris Jericho. HOOK still wrestles like a celebrity who did a couple weeks in the ring with some WWE Superstars to get ready for a one-off. “An FTW trash can lid.”
Jericho used to go home when he worried crowds were getting sick of him but now he is 53 and the next going home might be it, but man, the crowd is sick of him. They’re working hard but I do not care how hard Jericho works. I am not interested in watching him wrestle anymore. I mean the match is too long and HOOK isn’t good enough to go this long no matter how much you prop it up, but Jericho is death for me to watch anymore. I have negative interest, and much of the crowd clearly feels the same. The need for and time for Chris Jericho in AEW is over. It’s really that simple.
HOOK kicks out of the Judas Effect once. And then again. Jericho doing “I’m sorry” stuff. I think it’s self-aware, by the way, I don’t think he’s totally clueless about all this, he’s definitely leaning into it. But Jericho clubs HOOK in the skull with his bat and pins him. We now must question Jericho’s sincerity and whisper about it like this. 1.5/5
Toni Storm vs Thunder Rosa
People are saying it is time for Thunder mother fucking Rosa to end this hee hee ha ha shit. Luther earns his money again by getting wiped out on a tornillo, alongside Toni. Mariah May is also out here. I don’t hate Toni, by the way, I just (and I’ve said this before) do not have the wrestling fan gene where I find the same pretty amusing thing funny/fun for 25 straight years. I really liked this at first, but it’s not something built to last as long as it has and be artistically successful the whole time, it’s like making too many Ernest movies and shit, you know what I mean? Eventually whatever sauce you had is gonna be lost, and with a weekly TV thing, it means you have to play with the formula and ditch some aspects, and for me they wound up ditching a lot of the things I liked best about it, and it’s become frankly more straight comedy but then the wrestling is pretty much normal.
I also totally understand that it remains as fresh as it was on day one for many, probably most.
Mariah gets involved and Deonna comes down and they fight on out of here. This is really, really good. I’m leaving the paragraph above because I just do this to say shit and talk to myself, basically, but it is nice to see DAMN SURE PHYSICAL Toni Storm and Thunder Rosa doing their things here, and whatever about Toni (who retains) character-wise, that’s my stance personally and all that, but she’s definitely brought some prestige and weight back to this belt, which was badly needed. 3.5/5
Will Ospreay vs Bryan Danielson
Ospreay is REALLY over, man. This is gonna be AEW’s guy for some time. Guys like him, Swerve. MJF will likely be better than before when he returns. 50/50 on Page being what he CAN be but if so? AEW setting future nicely and getting a lot from guys like Danielson and Joe in meantime. There’s a lot to like about what they’ve done in recent months.
Danielson making Ospreay work his style and pace. Ospreay tries to kick it up here and there, but Danielson is too good to get overwhelmed by that, and he’s frankly so much more cerebral, so much smarter a wrestler than Ospreay, that he’s able to reel it back to what he wants pretty fast. Look, it’s an excellent match. Kind of obviously. Again, not the biggest Ospreay fan, but Danielson is the exact right guy to get the very most of him that I’m ever going to actively love.
Also, there’s a fucking tiger superplex. Ospreay also gets to really show even more grit and nastiness than he has thus far in AEW; a lot of the crowd obviously know and like him, but he’s still pretty new to SOME, and they’ve set him up to show at least aspects of everything in short order, it’s been good booking.
…well. This is in fact an all-timer match.
The closest to “cinematic” I’ve ever felt a wrestling match was, like, genuinely in its execution, not in purposely “making it cinematic,” like, “a cinematic match.” This had so much of a build, a proper and insane climax — the ending is two top-notch gunslingers knowing that one of them is about to be finished, but it’s all or nothing right now, for good. Incredible, breathtaking, certifiably batshit match. I’ve been around as a wrestling fan a good long while. I am not exactly at a peak in my “fandom.” I have seen a lot of shit that knocked my socks off. And I don’t know that I ever saw some shit quite like that. 5/5, and when I give it that rating, it’s because I don’t go higher. It’s beyond a 5, if there were such a thing.
FTR vs Young Bucks
There’s that scene in Great Balls of Fire! where, after a dispute about who goes on first, Jerry Lee Lewis lights his piano on fire on stage and everyone goes apeshit and then he tells Chuck Berry, “follow that, killer” when he walks off stage. FTR and the Bucks are Chuck Berry.
This is a ladder match for the vacant AEW tag belts, and they have no hope of following the last match. But you know they’re gonna do the best they can, because it’s FTR and the Bucks, whatever you think of any of them, they’re guys with a lot of pride in their work. (Some may not see past the surface with the Bucks on that claim from me, but it’s there, I firmly believe it.)
This has some of the absolute nastiest shit I’ve ever seen in a ladder match and they can’t even HOPE to follow Ospreay-Danielson, but they’re so good that it RULES ANYWAY. live crowd understandably hard to impress but they’re gonna unalive trying if they gotta. Just some really violent, spectacular stuff in this match, and it’s pretty damn great! Bucks win thanks to help from, you guessed it, Jungle Boy Jack himself. Excalibur insists he should be arrested for trespassing but he’s still listed on the AEW roster page so not sure that would stick in a court of law. 4/5
Samoa Joe vs Swerve Strickland
Joe is such a legitimately great world champion, new age wrestler with old time presence and ability to really, truly come off as The World Champion. There are damn few guys who were truly world champions, had that feel in that sort of way, including many of the all-time greats. Joe is a world champion the way Harley Race was, the way Bruno was, the way Flair was. You know, “This is the man right now. This is the world champion.”
I expect he loses it here, but even if he does, he’s done such an incredible service to AEW in refreshing and also giving stability to a belt that had a sort of experimental, half-and-half run with MJF’s reign. I’ve said a few times since late last year that Swerve is clearly knocking on the door for real, this is a guy who has “it,” has found it and put it all together. And the way you can really “make” that sort of guy in a first run is having him take it off a guy like Joe.
And he does. Swerve wins it. Swerve is the AEW world champion. And he should be. Joe gave AEW so much with this reign, and Swerve was a guy was ready to take it and see if he can run with it. Thought the match was good, and like FTR-Bucks was still working in the shadow of Ospreay-Danielson, which is not easy to do. 3.5/5
Tape Machines Are Rolling 